Concession Speech

June 4, 2008 at 7:24 am Leave a comment

Guys, I am so excited now you wouldn’t believe it.

I don’t talk about politics much here, despite being very interested in the subject. As more of an armchair observer, I don’t feel qualified to comment in most cases. However, something has happened tonight so extraordinary that I have to say something.

This man is going to be the Democratic Nominee for President

We’ve all known it was inevitable for some time, but tonight he finally got the number of delegates necessary to officially gain the nomination. I can only say one thing; hot damn. Look at that picture. That’s a man you can trust. With him, you’ll never have to ask yourself if your a bad enough to dude to rescue the president; Obama is a bad enough dude to rescue himself.

I mean, holy shit, can you imagine the speech Obama is going to give when he wins in November? I fully expect him to leap to the podium from an exploding helicopter, execute a perfect ninja roll before disabling two would-be assassins, then just walk up to the podium, put on a pair of sunglasses, and announce “Obama’s in town now”.

Then everyone in the audience will realize that the helicopter explosion is raining down $100 bills.

Up here in Canada, we have a tendency to act as if we’re superior to Americans for any number of reasons; our universal healthcare, our more tolerant society, our victory in the War of 1812, etc. We can do this no more. On behalf of my country I am forced to admit; America, you’ve won. You’ve found the one perfect thing that we, as a country, could never hope to achieve.

You’ve got an Obama Presidency coming your way.

Congratulations, you lucky bastards.


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