Archive for April, 2008

In Which Peanut Butter Saves the Day

My stomach is my least favourite organ.

When I’m feeling upset about something I tend to feel it most in my stomach. It gets nauseous, knotted, cramped and generally uncomfortable. I know something is really wrong when I can’t eat and can’t sleep because my stomach is too contorted to allow even the basic functions of life.

The problem is, for less serious levels of anxiety, this feeling in my stomach is entirely indistinguishable from being hungry or sick.

Now this is a serious problem. There are situations where I literally cannot tell if I am having an emotional crisis or if I’m just hungry. I spent most of tonight with knots in my stomach assuming something must be wrong (in life, there’s always dozens of small things which could be wrong), then I ate a peanut butter sandwich and immediately felt better. There’s two possible conclusions to this:

1) I was actually hungry, and not upset, or
2) Peanut Butter Sandwiches are a cure-all to emotional trauma

Once again I have found a spectacular way to fail at the most basic aspects of living. I have only myself to blame. But of myself, it’s mainly my stomach.

The bastard.

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April 29, 2008 at 9:42 am Leave a comment

Complete Insanity

It is 5AM, and I’m crazy with insomnia.

The last month and a half has been tumultuous, involving one road trip (complete with mosh pit, backwards vans and a mysterious house full of tubes), three movie shoots, incredible technical problems, a marathon one-day editing session, one disastrous film showing, one moderately-successful film showing, a mediocre film program application, four final exams, a nearly impossible to complete term paper, stress, long conversations, missed friends, missed deadlines, disappointed family, an ill-conceived dive into the ocean and one weekend where I went completely insane.

Things should be getting better now. “Should”, in this case, is the key word.

Without direction, I tend to collapse fast. In less than three days since exams ended I have utterly destroyed my ability to react on a normal human level. I have a tendency to worry that is checked only by the responsibilities of everyday life; with those gone I’m essentially free (read: trapped) to delve deeply into my own psyche, drudging up all sorts of messes.

On the plus side, free time means I’ll be able to start updating the blog again.

On the downside, it may drive me completely off the wall.

Two weeks until summer classes, jobs, and real responsibilities start up again. Let’s see if I can make it.

Editor’s Note: I actually don’t remember the circumstances that led to this. Why was I up until 5am? What the hell happened? I was, in fact, able to cope later, or at least I’m pretty sure I was.

April 27, 2008 at 12:51 pm Leave a comment


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