November 24, 2007 at 11:02 pm Leave a comment

The newspaper is organizing a trip to a national journalistic conference in Ottawa later in the year. The plan is to road-trip a bunch of people out, but there’s going to be limited space in the van. As such, we’re holding elections to see who can go and who can’t.

Of course, I see this as the most awesome thing ever, and have resolved to go no matter what. But for some reason when creating my elections poster, things got pretty… bizarre. It’s a solid text piece. Read on:


It is the year 2076 AD.

You gaze upon the ruined world. Packs of wild dogs roam the dark corridors men once called streets. Mighty towers of steel and concrete have crumbled into dust. There is nothing left but destruction and despair.

Looking up you see black, twisted crows as large Volkswagens. They circle endlessly, screeching in hunger and pain. They have a hundred eyes, crooked beaks, gnarled and broken talons; to see them is to know horror. Finally you can bear it no more. You look down, where you see nothing but the scorched and barren Earth.

In the lonely, quiet hours of the night, you know this was not the way it was meant to be.

You begin walking, and as the days blend into weeks you begin to lose yourself, lose your humanity. When, three months later, you come across a cabin, you are not sure what it is. It has been so long since you’ve seen some sign of life, some sign of civilization.

A light is on in the cabin, and you are drawn towards it. Inside you find a small, quiet man (is that what men look like? You had almost forgotten). The man is old, and his wrinkles fold around him like a blanket. He hands you a box. Inside the box is a letter. Inside the letter is the truth you have sought all your life.

“Once,” the letter says, “long ago, there was another way. In those days fields were rich and green. Trees bore sweet fruit. The sky was a stunning blue no longer seen on this Earth. They were not perfect times, but they were good enough. Then the dark days came, and all was lost.”

“But things do not have to be like this.”
“There is still Hope.”

When you look away from the letter the old man is gone. Perhaps he was never there in the first place. Perhaps none of it was. The world has gone hazy, indistinct. Great change is coming. You are filled with a drive, a sense of purpose, you have not known in years. Things can still be made right. You know what you must do.

(Vote Jacob for NASH)


Essentially I have suggested that if you don’t vote for me, you will be responsible for an apocalyptic future full of giant crows.

Sometimes I don’t know what’s up with me.

Editor’s Note: The newspaper ended up not renting a van, and I later bowed out of the race so the available plane tickets could go to people who deserved them. Oddly enough, my “don’t vote for me” speech garnered me several votes. People are weird.


Entry filed under: essay. Tags: , , , .

Supplement to Yesterday’s Post A Word of Encouragement

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November 2007
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