LMW Day Two: So Much Meat

November 1, 2007 at 5:47 am Leave a comment

T’is Hallow’s Eve, and I skipped dinner in order to eat lots of candy, chips and cake. This proved to be a foolish thing, as now my stomach aches with the weight of a thousand chocolates.

And what, you ask, did I dress as for Halloween? Why, a blogger, of course.

Now, had I actually eaten a real dinner tonight, it would undoubtedly have been composed of fine luncheon meats, the kind of which we shall discuss now!

Luncheon Meat Week: Day Two

Now, what makes a good luncheon meat? Theoretically any meat can qualify, but in reality few make the cut*. As discussed yesterday, lamb is rarely seen on modern sandwiches despite being the first luncheon meat.

*Pun intentional.

I have identified (i.e. made up just now) three vital factors for any luncheon meat to be successful. They are:

1) Ease of Chewing: A good luncheon meat must be quick and easy to eat, so that one can enjoy the meal and still get on with their business quickly. Chunky or tough meats rarely pass the grade; indeed, most luncheon meats are shaved for maximum flavour and minimum fuss.

To demonstrate how big of a problem this can be I give you an example from my own life. I was once served a rib sandwich with the bones still in the ribs. Needless to say, my lunch was ruined by this impossible-to-eat meat. Ease of use is key.

2) Flavourosity: A good luncheon meat is delicious. This should be self-evident, but judging by the amount of times I’ve had to eat baloney it’s not.

3) Does it bounce?: As a rule, good lunch meats rarely bounce more than three inches when dropped.

So, based on this, what are the best luncheon meats? They are:

Roast Beef/Steak
The lunch meat of champions, served in either a smokey, shaved form or in large, delicious chunks. A wonderful texture combined with a wonderful taste. I especially like steak sandwiches with peppers, and the Philly Cheesesteak is a classic.

Turkey
Though this comes primarily in shaved form (which is itself delicious), the whole chunk form of Turkey Sandwich is also good. Some of my favourite sandwiches ever had been made from the remains of Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, with melted butter and warmed spinach.

Chicken
Old faithful; the stalwart of luncheon meats. Shaved chicken sandwiches are nearly a staple, a food that is simultaneously cheap, easy and delicious. I recommend it to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

What of other meats? The noble Ham, for example? I expect Jon and Stephen to castrate me for not including it on my list of greatest lunchmeats, but hear me out first; to me, Ham is more a meat to be enjoyed on it’s own merits, rather than as part of a sandwich. Delicious beyond belief in it’s own right, shaving it and packing it in other foods only dilutes the flavour. A good ham sandwich is ridiculously hard to come by, and good shaved ham nearly impossible. A good ham is a food in it’s own regard.

And that, my friends, is a discussion of greatest meats, and the rational behind lunch meats in general. Tune in tomorrow for more lunchmeat talk, entitled “where does your sandwich come from?”. The day after, I detail how to make the perfect sandwich.

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LMW Day One: The Lambening LMW Day Three: I Forgot a Title

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