Day Two: Wherein I Reflect on the Badass that is Ninja

October 3, 2007 at 4:00 am Leave a comment

Some of you may remember (it was only a month ago, after all) that I was excited for a Ninjitsu classed offered by UBC REC, only to be utterly crushed when it was canceled. It was a tragic time, and I never learned the reason for it’s cancellation.

Until now.

I was talking to my friend Alyssa recently, and the conversation turned (as all conversations eventually must) to ninja. This in turn led to a discussion of the ill-fated ninjitsu class, and I suddenly learned the incredible truth behind it’s cancellation.

“I heard the class was canceled because the teacher is fighting in Iraq”, Alyssa tells me.

My eyes widened. “What did you just say?!”

“The class was canceled because the teacher is fighting in Iraq.”

There is a brief pause as I process this stunning information. Finally I look at her, and I speak a single sentence filled with all my hope for the world: “Please tell me that means what I think it means.”


That’s right, friends. After four years of fighting, the army has found a foolproof strategy for winning the Iraq War once and for all. As we speak, Elite Ninja Forces are pouring into the country. Expect well-choreographed fight scenes in which unstoppable fighter/assassins decimate insurgency forces before disappearing into the night. Men will be cut down like blades of grass. Good will be rewarded and evil punished with ancient ninja wisdom. Within the month, the war will be over.

Clearly all these talks over the years of “increased war-spending” or “troop surges” have been the result of short-sighted men. Why send a thousand conventional troops with tanks when you could send a single well-armed ninja? I for one am thankful that this has finally been sorted out.

All glory to the ninja!


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Day One: Wherein I Reflect on Free Things Day Three: In Which I Angst All Over Life

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October 2007
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