Reasons I’m Going to Hell #32,097

September 7, 2007 at 9:59 pm Leave a comment

Today I pretended to be Jewish to get a free lunch.

Read that over again, and take a few moments to let it soak in.

Right now I’m on a meal plan, but not a particularly good one. I checked in to it, and assuming I eat three meals a day my food-money will run out a month and a half before the term ends. After that, I’m basically screwed if I want food. This has lead to me getting rather… creative with how I eat. Step one was dropping breakfast entirely. Step two was searching for free food wherever possible.

Today, I found out the Jewish fraternity on campus was having a free barbecue in an effort to attract members. I don’t exactly qualify for membership, on account of not being Jewish, but that didn’t mean I was going to pass up a free meal. Luckily for me, “Jacob” is a Jewish name and I allowed it to be implied that this meant I was fully qualified to hold membership.

As you can see, the life of a college student is 90% filled with “trying not to starve”. I need to get a bunch of Kraft Dinner or something; I have a feeling I’m going to run out of well-meaning social groups to take advantage of pretty soon.

It’s been a sad day for all involved, really.

Editor’s Note: This story tells so much about me, and very little of it good. In my defense, I was right; I did run out of money for food a month before school ended, resulting in some very unpleasant circumstances that I won’t get into. Hunger really sucks, guys.

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