Archive for July, 2007

Jacob VS the DMV

More reasons why I suck- I failed a driving test today.

Or rather, the DMV* failed me. I like to think that by my personal standards, I passed. It’s an important distinction.

In reality, I actually did awesome, except for one part where I failed to pull out and establish myself in an intersection during a turn. Apparently, however, that’s an automatic failure.

My response to the DMV?

You fuckers!

That is all.

*Of course, it’s not called the DMV in Canada. I don’t know what it’s actually called.


July 31, 2007 at 7:57 pm Leave a comment

Damn Nation

All throughout the land, I hear the lamentations of my readers. “Jacob, why no post?”. It echoes through the hills and valleys and various other geological features.

The answer: I totally suck.

Let this reply be struck in stone, so that forever more it will be remembered that I totally sucked, and that I couldn’t write my way out of…. something that needed writing out of.

…like that.

Anyway, other things. As you may have seen from the Animal Man posts, I am producing sprite comics again. The purpose? Sinister. Actually, the purpose is a forum tournament I’m entered in, wherein my contestant (Animal Man) will do battle against countless foes. Expect to see more comics in the future. Also expect to grow vaguely uncomfortable about the weird things I do with my free time.

That is all. Expect more communiques shortly.

Jacob out.

July 31, 2007 at 3:58 am Leave a comment

Harry Potter and The Finished Series

So I powered my way through the new Harry Potter book this weekend, and now I realize I can’t talk about it on my blog without ruining it for the rest of you.

Goddamn you, slow readers. Damn you all.

July 23, 2007 at 7:00 pm Leave a comment

Animal Man: Origin of Species

Once again the question is raised; just what the hell am I doing with my time?

Click for full image


July 20, 2007 at 1:56 pm 1 comment


Working in tech support is a funny thing. Today I ruined a million-dollar business deal and a birthday simultaneously*.

I should probably have a more compassionate reaction to that, rather than simply finding it hilarious.

*It really wasn’t my fault

Editor’s Note: This story has now become somewhat legendary, in that I like to tell it a lot. What really happened is that someone called in needing their internet fixed, as they needed to send out both important business documents and birthday invitations. Unfortunately they called from a car going down the highway, so it was impossible for me to actually do anything about their internet. They yelled at me for awhile telling me to fix it anyway, and then the phone disconnected. It was pretty sweet.

July 19, 2007 at 2:17 am Leave a comment

Wherein I Brood on Film

Ah, the glamour of the film business. Clearly I’ve chosen the best profession ever; right now I’m sorting through hundreds of pieces of film stock, holding each strip up to light to try to figure out what scene it’s a part of. This is made difficult by the fact it’s 8mm film stock, and each frame is about half the size of the fingernail on your pinkie. Once I have all of these sorted, I put them into individual ziplock bags so I can later edit the scenes together.

At the same time, I’m looking for a sepia-tone substitute to dye the film with, a process that involves looking at things and asking “is it brown? Will it dye things?”. This process has lead me to dip film stock in Coke, tea, coffee, hot chocolate and muddy water. After that I’m going to have to start using more bizarre concoctions to try and get the right colour.

And this doesn’t take into account the other things I’ve run film stock through, such as hot wax, modeling clay, fire, India Ink, acrylic paint, and a cheese shredder. There’s a method to all of this, but it seems bizarre when I explain it.

So, clearly a career that involves strange dyes, long hours sorting and bagging film, and even longer hours taping that film back together, is the greatest thing ever. I can see no flaw whatsoever with my chosen path in life.

Speaking of film; Jon, you still owe my an explanation of your and Stephen’s League movie idea. Don’t make me send ninjas to torture it out of you.

~Your Friendly Neighborhood Film Fiend

Editor’s Note: Why did I sign off that way? So many of these posts are embarrassing.

Real film-making is almost nothing like I describe here, but still equally tedious. In the coolest possible way, of course.

July 15, 2007 at 11:02 pm Leave a comment

Buddy, You’re an Animal, Man

The degree to which I waste my time is astonishing. Take today, for example, which was to a large degree absorbed by making a Sprite Sheet for Animal Man:

What the hell is that about?

Bonus Content!

Sprite Animal Man can see you!

Editor’s Note: The Animal Man sprite sheet is heavily based of the NES Mega Man sprites. This whole thing was part of a contest for the Penny Arcade forums that later went bust; you can see the results in my posts here, here, here and here.

July 14, 2007 at 11:25 pm Leave a comment

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