Beware of Over-the-top, Exaggerated Bragging

June 22, 2007 at 12:32 pm Leave a comment

I just need to take a moment to remind everyone how great I am, and how lucky you are to be reading my blog. For you see, you are no longer reading the rantings of some guy on the internet. Now whenever you read this blog, you are observing the musings of an award-winning essayist.

The good kind of award, that comes with a big cash prize.

About two months ago I entered an essay contest on topics of Canadian culture, submitting an essay on why Canada doesn’t need heroes (a good parallel might be Lois Lane’s Pulitzer Prize winning article “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman”, but without being kidnapped by Lex Luthor). This essay, which was incredibly awesome and which I will reproduce here as soon as I can, scored me first place in the contest with a prize of $2000. All said, not bad for three days of work; now if I can just do the same thing every weekend, I’ll make a cool $104,000 a year. Within a year I expect to be able to just sit at home and collect huge royalty cheques from my vast store of writings. In five years I’ll have won every major writing award on Earth, including the Nobel Prize for Literature, and be raking in millions of dollars a year. Before the decade is out I’ll have my own private island, which you might know as “Australia”.

Already I’ve let this small amount of success go to my head. I’m pretty much screwed if I ever get really successful at something.

Editor’s Note: Sometimes, it’s nice to just talk about how great you are. I’ve been doing less and less of that lately, though.

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Wherein I Try Very Hard Not to Adopt a Cat Good Luck in the Year 52,000

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