Beware of Crude Jokes

May 13, 2007 at 10:55 pm Leave a comment

I try not to be overly sentimental, but sometimes I have to make myself allowances. I’m not made of stone, after all, and sometimes someone makes such a difference in your life that you have to tell people. It’s the kind of thing you have to shout from the hilltops to make sure the whole world knows, something so fundamental to your life you couldn’t manage to live without it. So, on this very special of days, I’d like to take a moment to talk about someone very special to me…. your mom.

Your mom has got it going on. When she walks down the street people can’t help but stare. When she goes out on the town the town goes with her. When she bends down to pick something up… well, I don’t think I need to tell you what people do then.

Your mom has got an ass like no other. It is tight; you could bounce quarters off that sucker. When your mom wears those low-riding jeans, it’s like watching the moon come over the horizon, except the moon doesn’t find an excuse to wear those jeans whenever I’m around.

But that’s nothing compared to her rack; oh man, her rack! I’ve become intimately familiar with ‘the twins’ over time, and they are fabulous. Did you know that those things are real? Stunning; I didn’t know they made racks like that.

Sometimes I wake up and feel lost in a sea of doubt, unable to make my way in the world. Then I see your mom next to me and I’m feelin’ fine.

I like it when your mom cooks me breakfast nude. It’s always kind of cute.

I don’t know what else there is to say. The way she talks, the way she moves, her adorable little laugh, her incredible figure (and what she does with it!)… there’s only one way to put it:

I love your mom.

…does she have any sisters?

Editor’s Note: Months later, “your mom” jokes would become a staple of conversations with my friends. I’m still kinda shocked I wrote this; this kind of joke isn’t usual for me.

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