The Sensational Character Find of the 2007

April 28, 2007 at 10:45 pm 2 comments

You know, there’s always parts of my life that are difficult to explain to people. One of these parts is the fact that I have a superhero alter-ego. Really, how do you break this down for someone?

“Yeah, me and a bunch of my friends formed a League and fought crime. But it was mostly just jaywalking… and it was mostly just fighting each other.”

This actually comes up surprisingly often. Dani once challenged me to get an article of clothing with my superhero name on it, and I responded by having it embroidered on my High School Graduating Class sweater. Now I can’t wear it without fielding questions about where I got my “nickname”, and it all turns awkward (for the record, Dani still hasn’t lived up her end of the bargain by getting something proclaiming her alter-ego. I’m definitely winning here).

And ever since I joined the Excellence League, I’ve had to (i.e. volunteered to) explain that this is actually the second league I’ve been a part of, and the first has a much less literary bent.

So, for the sake of everyone who reads my blog (which basically consists of people who already know the story), I will now retell the epic origin story of….

The story actually begins with the birth of Amherst’s first hero, Abyss Man. For some reason now lost to the depths of history, Stephen one day proclaimed himself a protector of justice, and a non-existent Ford Pinto to be his “Abyss-Mobile”. Soon enough he gained himself a teen sidekick, Abyss Lad, and thus reached one of the great milestones in a hero’s career. Now it was time to move onto the next great adventure; Abyss Man would need to form a League, and for that Amherst would need new heroes.

Like many a hero, I actually started my career under an entirely different name; Captain Britain, Defender of Justice (the way I speak is commonly mistaken for a British accent). This was during the nebulous period after Abyss Lad came onto the scene, but before the League officially formed. When Abyss Lad graduated to being a hero in his own right, Captain Obvious, and Dani formed her own alter-ego, we knew it was time. Time to strike fear into the hearts of criminals everywhere. Time to fight for justice. Time to form…. the League.

When the time came to pick a name, we debated long and hard. Eventually, I exclaimed that no matter what, we had to be the League of something, dammit.

Of course, the name stuck.

Over time we had a number of adventures, which included inventing new superpowers for ourselves (Captain Obvious, for example, was able to blend into his surroundings so long as they looked exactly like him), testing to see if we combined to form a giant fighting robot (we didn’t), and of course crime-fighting. As previously mentioned, this consisted almost entirely of walking halfway across the street, shouting “Jaywalkers! Get them!”, and turning on each other. Thank god it was a low-traffic town; we would certainly have been run down otherwise.

After deciding we had too many people named “Captain” on the team, and learning that “Captain Britain” was a registered trademark of Marvel Comics, I changed by name to the equally-British “Cricket”, which led to a bizarre running gag that I’m pretty sure only I perpetuate. For the record, the antenna are radio receivers.

Though I’ve since moved far away, the concept of the League persists. Or at least, I like to think it does. For my part, I’ve kept it alive by continually explaining it to new and bewildered friends, as well as spending an inordinate amount of time formulating a “League-Verse” surrounding our exploits. Stephen has assured me that he one day intends to write an issue of “Abyss Man”, and Dani has listened patiently to my many League-Verse rants and added all kinds of ideas of her own. Who knows what the hell Jon is doing (other than, you know, going to Business School. What’s up with that?)

*****

And that, my friends, is the tale of The League of Something Dammit, and my place in it was the faux-Britain’s #1 hero, Cricket. From here, the whole thing gets depressing.

What does the future hold for the League? Who the hell knows. To be perfectly honest, I’ve probably convinced myself it was something it never was. Outside of my head, it’s hard to say to what extent the League still ‘exists’ at all. I don’t talk to Stephen or Jon nearly enough, from what I hear Dani doesn’t hang out with them at all, and of course I live thousands of kilometers away from all of them. Maybe that’s where it all ends, drifting apart and fading away.

To get a little melancholy for a minute, I really miss those times. I have a slightly weird nostalgia for the League era, but I can’t really go back and have it be like it used to be. Life goes on, whether you want it to or not. It’s the same problem I had with leaving the castle just a few weeks ago; sometimes the world has a way of taking you away from where you really want to be, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’ve gone back to visit, sure (and it was great when I have), but it’ll never really be more than a visit, and this year not even that.

I’m sorry I can’t make it to home, guys. I miss you all more than I could ever put into words.

This is Cricket, signing off.

Editor’s Note: It’s been over a year since this article was published. Since then I’ve been talking to Stephen and Jon more, and apparently Dani has started hanging out with them again. But then again, now Stephen is busy with a social life and getting ready to join the Navy. Some things get better, some things get worse. That’s life.

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Entry filed under: essay. Tags: , .

A Random Assortment of Things I Are Working

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Dani  |  January 2, 2009 at 1:59 am

    Happy times are soon upon us Spidey friends! Jacob will be returning to us for 9 days all will be right in the world again!!
    I think I’ll make a Jacobeenmas banner.
    Also our airport sign will say “The Cricket” so… watch for it. :D

    Reply
  • 2. stephen  |  February 6, 2009 at 3:15 am

    And hey, I wrote TWELVE issues of Abyss Man. Some of which you have read.

    Reply

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