The Fastest Man Alive

April 23, 2007 at 6:22 am Leave a comment

A follow-up to last night’s Flash post, in which I illustrate just how awesome Wally West can be. This is from an e-mail I sent Dani some time back.



This is just a message to let you know I’m constantly amazed by how goddamn awesome The Flash is.

Here’s the latest example I discovered: Early on in Grant Morrison’s (you remember him, right?) “Justice League” run, the Earth is ‘invaded’ by a group of superpowered aliens called the Hyperclan. They establish themselves as heroes to gain the trust of Earth, then take out the Justice League. Each of these aliens has the strength and speed of Superman.

Of course, they also want to capture The Flash, so they send one of their guys to chase him down. What follows is an INCREDIBLY high-speed chase around the world, during which they pick up rocks and bricks along the way and throw them at each other at high speeds and all sorts of other crazy things. Eventually The Flash realizes how good the other guy is, and decides he has to kick it up a notch. So he laps him.


They’re already running at superspeed, the Hyperclan guy running as fast as he can, when The Flash decides to kick it up to lightspeed and circle the planet before the other guy can blink. It’s insane.

But that’s not the coolest part.

The coolest part is when he comes up beside the guy, still moving at near-light speed, and before the guy knows what’s happening, The Flash PUNCHES HIM INTO ORBIT. Using the miracle of relativity The Flash just hits the guy so hard that he reaches escape velocity and starts circling the planet. When he finally comes back down, he lands in Africa.

The Flash punched a man so hard he went into space, and landed in another continent.

Oh god. I love The Flash.

Needless to say, the Justice League (particularly Batman) defeated the entire Hyperclan and saved the day. I’m of the opinion any problem can be solved with the proper application of Batman/The Flash/Green Lantern. All the other members of the Justice League are really redundant.

I am such a huge geek.


Editor’s Note: An account of the same event, but with pictures and more awesome, can be found at the (now defunct) Dave’s Long Box. Let it be known, now and forever, that The Flash is a badass of epic proportions.


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