The Greatest News Story of All Time

April 8, 2007 at 12:05 am Leave a comment

EXTRA! EXTRA!
MISSING BEATLES SONG FOUND!

NEWLY DISCOVERED RECORDINGS SHED LIGHT ON BAND

(Reuters) In a press conference earlier today, rock and roll expert Billy Shears announced he had uncovered a cache of unreleased “Beatles” recordings. These recordings, originating from The Beatles’ “Middle Period”, include previously unknown songs and conversations by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, as well as a number of cryptic references to what the duo refer to as “The Secret of Pure Music”. These recordings (continued on Page Eight)….

Lennon, McCartney, and the Pursuit of “Pure Music”
A Report on the Secret History of The Beatles,
by Jacob McNeil (Ph.D in Rockology)

Much has been written about The Beatles’ time in India. Recouping from the failure of “Magical Mystery Tour” but still in the heyday of their careers, they abandoned the pressures of studio life to study transcendental meditation with the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Or at least, that is their claim. What is not widely known is that for at least two of the band members, there was a secret intent behind this journey; the attempt on the part of John Lennon, aided by Paul McCartney, to discover the essence of Pure Music.

The quest for “Pure Music” was a journey that began in the waning months of 1966, when The Beatles began work on their seminal album “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”. Considered a high point in their careers, The Beatles blended elements of rock, psychedelia, Indian mysticism, and the musical possibilities of high technology to create a work quite unlike anything that had been seen before. It was a time of invention and discovery, one that would lead to quite unintended consequences.

It was during this period, while mastering a series of new musical techniques and tricks, that John Lennon first became aware of the possibilities of Pure Music. As he listened to playbacks of his latest day’s work, likely while under the influence of some hallucinogen, Lennon was suddenly struck by the idea that his guitar, his mind, and the world itself were one. This idea would soon develop into a new musical philosophy, the belief that he could find a way to transcend mere audio stimulation and instead address the listener’s brain directly through this ‘oneness’. Lennon dubbed this new philosophy the pursuit of “Pure Music”.

Immediately Lennon set about trying to apply his new theory, engaging the help of Paul McCartney to do so. Utilizing the knowledge gained from Sgt. Pepper’s blending of styles and methods, and Lennon’s new musical theory, the two created the album’s grand finale; “A Day in the Life” and it’s famous orchestral accession. This was the first glimpsed the world would get of Pure Music, still in it’s earliest and most unrefined forms. It was also the point at which the dangers of Pure Music came to light.

Like any band of their stature, The Beatles had rivals. One such rival was The Beach Boys, and their chief songwriter Brian Wilson. Always eager to keep up on the competition, Wilson purchased a copy of Sgt. Pepper’s the moment it came out. What happened next, and the reasons behind it, are still a matter of great debate. Some argue that Wilson’s musical genius was such that he was more effected than others by even this glimpse at pure music. Certainly his precarious mental and physical health at this time did not help. In any case, the result was clear: Brian Wilson listened to the album once. Immediately, he returned the record needle to the start and listened to it again. He then went to his room, climbed into bed, and laid down.

He did not get up again for five years.

While worried by this development, Lennon and McCartney ultimately disregarded it as a mere aberration. The two set out to increase their understanding of Pure Music, leading to The Beatles now-famous trip to India. Lennon hoped that meditation techniques learned from the guru would result in an increased understanding of how to access the “universal mind” he thought essential to Pure Music. The endeavour was largely a success, and the pair left feeling they now had a glimpse of the true nature of the universe. Upon their return Lennon and McCartney announced the creation of Apple Studios, a new record label that would allow them to experiment freely.

These events combined into a perfect storm when, in mid-1968, John Lennon and McCartney collaborated on a song of such complexity and greatness that it could barely be contained by earthly tools. Studio equipment was said to have constantly broken down and explode during recording, and at least three mixing machines caught fire in the post-production process. Fighting past these setbacks Lennon and McCartney finished the song, and before release played it to a select audience of friends, colleagues and well-wishers.

None of them would ever be the same.

The song, it became clear, was the very Earthly manifestation of Pure Music, passed to mortal hands like fire from Prometheus. When played to the audience it’s power was so great that it literally blew their minds, leaving them nothing but jabbering, slobbering wrecks. Fourteen people were in that audience, and to this day all of them remain in asylums.

Lennon and McCartney, horrified at what they had done, ceased their Pure Music experiments and their collaboration immediately. Feeling guilty over what they had created and unable to face the consequences, the two could barely look at each other anymore. It was the end of a legendary partnership, and created a rift so deep it resulted in the break-up of The Beatles two years later in 1970.

The song, meanwhile, stayed locked away and hidden, far beyond the reach of a people who were not (and might never be) ready for it.

That is, until now.

Advertisements

Entry filed under: awesome post, fake history. Tags: , , , , .

I Have Seen Horrors Beyond Imagination What? No Title?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


April 2007
M T W T F S S
« Mar   May »
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30  

%d bloggers like this: