The Running News

March 6, 2007 at 1:15 pm Leave a comment

Longtime (IE. one month) readers will recall that I, despite being somewhat less than a paragon of physical fitness, have embarked upon a quest to train for and subsequently run a marathon. Well, ladies and gentlemen, my journey has reached a milestone: today is the start of the official training regiment, the day I go from “guy who sometimes runs and has vague plans to run a marathon” to “guy who is actively preparing for a marathon”.

There’s just one problem. It’s wet outside. And very, very rainy.

Stupid weather.

In other news: Some of you, though probably not all, know that I’m a writer for the university paper. To be more precise, I’ve given myself the fancy title of “World News Editor”; it’s basically my responsibility to shift through everything that’s happened in the world over the course of a week and judge which events are worthy of our paper. I also occasionally write articles and opinion pieces.

Now, editorial policy at our paper is fairly lax. And by that I mean that our Editor in Chief literally accepts everything that’s submitted to the paper. Everything, from the advice column on female masturbation to the highly obtuse prose piece “The Tales of Fabrican’t”, gets in. There’s reasons for this, and a few complications I won’t get into, but the gist of it is that if you write something, it will be published.

Now, basically I have free reign over what I put in my news-pieces and articles. The EiC rarely, if ever, asks me to change anything. In addition, 7 out of 8 articles I’ve done have made the front page. So in addition to anything I write being guaranteed to be published, it’s also a near-guarantee it will be given a favorable position in the paper with little to no alterations. Apparently I hold a lot of power and sway at the newspaper, and like Spider-Man I understand that with great power comes great responsibility.

However, like Spider-Man, I also understand that sometimes you have to cut loose and throw a Jeep at a guy.

Basically, I’m looking to find the most inappropriate, obscene, amoral topic I could possibly write about, and then do an article on it that makes it on the front page. Blog readers, you have your assignment; you must journey to the darkest depths of bad taste to bring me a topic with which to amuse and disgust my newspaper audience.

Good luck. I’m counting on you.

Editor’s Note: Sadly, no one ever took up this assignment, and I ended up just doing regular articles for the rest of the year. As a whole ‘The Keep’ was a pretty laid-back, mellow paper. In contrast, writing for ‘The Ubyssey’ this year has been a real learning curve; they expect reliable resourcesand actual, relevant news. I, uh, didn’t do too well with that. Hopefully next year things will pan out better.


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Wherein I Complain for the sake of Complaining A Long, Long Ramble

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